George Heath Locke Falls In Tub : Local Elder Says "I'm OK"

(I realize that tub falling is no laughing matter and I am not suggesting it was charming at the time. Griswold Home Care, a business directly connected to home injuries has reported that:

"There are nearly 200,000 bathroom accidents each year. Many of these accidents happen to older adults, all too often resulting in fall injuries.
Fall injuries can range from mild to serious, causing broken bones, head contusions and hospital visits. If you have a history of falls, the risk is even greater"

I rode the tub and made it out without a problem. A lot of folks don't, but since I survived with everything intact, I can chuckle a little bit. I hope you will to, keeping always in mind that falling for old guys and gals like us can be terrifyingly painful.)

Riding the tub

The elder spokesman for the powerful Locke clan rode the tub successfully today and reports no problem other then loss of dignify.

George Heath Locke, known as a charming, self effacing bon-vivant and man about town, said the ride occurred shortly after 9:30am when had finished cleaning the bathroom and just before he had finished a shower.

The remarkably youthful Locke (he will turn 74 next month) said that the ride happened so fast it was difficult to maneuver through the twists and turns of the course.

As he faced a plethora of reporters and photographers, eager to hear first hand how the bearded bard had fared on his first ride, Locke appeared calm and quite cool as he narrated his hair raising journey.

"I knew the course fairly well." he said, toweling his sculptured Grecian-like body." The first turn put my feet out from under me and a second later I had ripped down the curtains, yanked the shower hose off the wall and demolished the toilet seat next to me,"

With goggled eyes and hanging on every word the press pressed him for more details.

"Well, like I say, it was quite a trip. With the shower on full blast and water pooling like a small Mediterranean Sea around me and the bathroom floor, I was able to lean up and shut the shower off with my foot, not an easy task."  The handsome adventurer paused to light up a Cuban cigar, his muscles rippling under the lard.

He leaned back and closing his sultry shit-brindle brown eyes, blew a perfect smoke ring, followed by an isosceles triangle, a tetrahedron and the name "Benny" for a reason never explained.

Then he continued.

"I had visions of Mary Petri from an episode of the old "Dick Van Dyke Show". the one where she gets her toe stuck in a spigot of a bathtub while relaxing in a hot bubble bath," He smiled ruefully, pulling out the cigar and examining its tip. "But she had somebody there to help and call the plumber if needed."

He stood up to indicate the interview was over. "Thanks for coming everyone", he said. "And don't worry. I'm OK. Nothing was damaged."  With that, he strode over to the door and slammed his head several times against the frame. He turned and smiled, his eyes looking in two directions at once. "See. Everything is fine. Now if you'll excuse me I have a meeting with Trump to discuss the possibility of a Ambassadorship to Pluto." 

WTF - Bits of Brain Scatt, Odd Thoughts and Robust Musings

Why do guys "take" a leak?  Shouldn't they "give one?

The  line at the store always manages to have one person ahead of you who will cause a massive clog.  Or.....worse yet.

The person "clogging" is you.

In talking with your significant other,  you realize, perhaps even as you're saying it, that you have uttered something really, really stupid that you know will bring on a case of the furries, the hairy eyeball and hours of backtracking. But it's too late.

You find out after the fact that the friend or relative you are so fond of is, alas, a Trump  supporter and it leaves this bruise on your heart.

I have on several occasions been washing and rinsing dishes after supper and the stream of water from the faucet found the opening in my sweater sleeve and bathed my left arm.

You forgot your clean underwear after taking a shower and have to scamper half naked upstairs to get some, hoping all the way nobody (other then your wife) catches you causing them sudden and irreparable blindness at this hideous gaffe on your part.

If things had been skewed a fraction, Bernie Sanders would have been our president.

Bernie in full gear.

I've talked to Republicans who said they would have voted for Bernie.

When I wake up from a nap, for a minute or so I see everything monochromaticly. Really. Not different colors, but everything is different shades of green. And all the doctors to whom I've mentioned it say not to worry. But I do.

My end is closer then my beginning.

I'm never going to pack a full house at Carnegie Hall.

I still don't have all the guitars I need.

The War to End All Wars wasn't.

I love the engineering and pure design of small arms. But, I cannot for the life of me understand why we can't ban selling machine guns, assault rifles and Kevlar coated bullets.

A phenomenal gun sculpture

I will never have a gun in my house.

The house could be falling down around my ears but if I arrange the bath and kitchen towels neatly and without wrinkles, to me the place is immaculate.

I hate to come to the end a good, long book. I have grown fond of where it took me and all the characters I have met there. It's almost a death, except, I know I can return.

I have diabetes and I love to bake. No eight sadder words have ever been spoken.

The older I get, the more I understand Shakespeare.

I have no idea what cats are thinking.

Why doesn't a classy dish you had at a restaurant taste as good if you make it at home?

Our local tv channel WMUR is simply an extension of the NH Chamber of Commerce. And local news is suspended to give us national news from ABC. Why? And the talking heads are so disingenuous that I turn to WCSH in Maine and find real local news, more personal stories, more community involvement and more real people.

I live in fear of cantoring an entire mass with my fly open.

I never liked camping out.

I always look in the mirror and see a person that is far better looking and smarter then reality. And. I don't care.

I have many regrets. But I forgave myself a long time ago.

A man should have the right to pee of his own porch, provided its at night and you don't offend your neighbors.

And since we started with a nod to urination, we shall end it there.